The what if loop
I don't have enough money saved, at least not to retire now.
This is something that catches me sometimes and tries to make me worried, pulling me into loops of thinking I shouldn't be having, especially when busy working.
I think, what if I need to stop now, what if I want to have a kid now, what if I have no more projects working with me, what if, if, if...?
The list
Then I look at what is behind me.
I graduated.
I learned English.
I moved countries.
I spent 20k USDT to bring my dog with me, moving to Argentina for his quarantine.
I paid for my parents to meet Rio de Janeiro.
I travelled to more than 5 countries in the same year, alone.
I had a few cars I dreamed of having.
I gifted a Rolex to my husband.
I bought the purse I always wanted.
I flew my family over to visit me.
And so on, the list keeps going.
Even after doing all of this, I kept making more and more while saving money.
Yet the feeling that it isn't enough money still hunts me.
The tunnel
For so long I let myself have that idea that the light is just at the end. The sooner we get there, the sooner we will be free and happy.
Lucky me, it didn't take my whole life, as it takes for so many others, to find out that the tunnel is actually infinite, and the light is actually an illusion.
A projection of the light we already have inside of us, being put out there like we need to get hungry to chase it, to conquer it.
It has a name
Well, this is what Robert Holden, author of "Authentic Success", calls destination addiction.
The belief that happiness is somewhere else, at the next stop, in the next thing we conquer, not here and now with all we already got.
In crypto we live our own version of it every single day. The 100x chase is the crypto version of believing happiness is at the next stop.
I get the appeal here, I truly do. As a hustler myself, the idea of being ok with what I have now, here, at this second, is not enough. But it isn't because I find myself ok with the now that I won't hustle for the more.
Both things can be true simultaneously, and I tell you why.
Never enough, and at peace with it
This is something I made peace with, and even found comforting. The feeling that whatever it will be, it won't be enough.
The accomplishments I had, the people I helped, all the travels and countries I visited, all of it makes me feel complete.
And at the same time I know that 10 years from now there will be so much more. It won't be better, it won't be worse, it will just be more.
What keeps constant is the happy feeling that I did and I will do more. The passion for keeping going, for enjoying being here and being this.
So I don't see the "never enough" as my enemy anymore. It is actually the only reason that makes me believe I know how much more I will save, how much more I will travel, I will succeed, I will buy and I will gift.
When we have enough of anything, that is when we get troubled. That is when things start to feel empty, to feel meaningless.
Matthew McConaughey has an answer that stuck with me. When asked about his own hero, in different years and timelines of his life, his answer was always the same, his hero is him in 10 years. And every 10 years that pass, he is never even close to that hero. Yet that is the exact reason why and how he keeps his passion, and a reason to keep breathing.
Font: YouTube, Matthew McConaughey winning Best Actor | 86th Oscars (2014)
The need of the win makes you fragile
The hustler who needs the win is fragile.
The hustler who is already ok is free to lose, which is exactly why she wins more.
Different from many people I hear, the motivators all over social media, so confident in their talking and their skills. I feel the same confidence inside me, yet I react in a totally different way. Being the best at something doesn't make me say it, doesn't make me feel like I need to win something. Because the need of the win makes me fragile, makes me a fool of my own mind.
So the one truly free to give it all is the one taking as enough whatever the outside gives back, and that won't make a difference in the effort they give. They play, and they show.
You will relax, they say
It's easy to work less when things are good, you will tell me, and I agree, it can be.
Yet the sudden realization that you are living that good moment because a hustler and hard work came before it brings you back, and that feeling of appreciation follows.
Just like someone realizing all the weight lost after months of hard work. You won't go eat a whole cake. You will have even more desire to keep going, keep doing. Now you are the result of your own work, and you are doing it for your next moment, your next challenge, the next fulfillment you don't even know you want yet.
The light was never out there
So no, being ok with now was never the end of my hustle.
The light was never at the end of the tunnel. It was mine the whole time, being projected forward. I am not running toward it anymore, I am carrying it into the things I build. Same work, same ambition, a completely different why.
And you, where in your life are you still waiting for the light at the end?
References
Robert Holden, "Authentic Success" (2011), the book where he coined the term destination addiction: robertholden.com
Matthew McConaughey, Best Actor acceptance speech, Oscars 2014, "my hero is me in 10 years": full speech at American Rhetoric
